


That time in Oxford

by Beeexx



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: Angst, Broken Hearts, First Meeting, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Memories, Sharing a Bed, just a little one shot about them meeting, neil is a student in this, time travel I guess but Nolan style
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26138902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beeexx/pseuds/Beeexx
Summary: The Protagonist and Neil meet for the first time for Neal, but for the 1000th time for The Protagonist.
Relationships: the Protagonist/Neil
Comments: 21
Kudos: 104





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little idea I had the time when I was supposed to sleep and this came to me. It's not perfect and honestly time travel is hard to understand. But basically the Protagonist will invert himself when he is older to meet Neil and recruit him right?

The first time he sees him, technically it’s in the high scores of hundred times really, but the first time he sees him as young, when he knows this is the time, Neil is sitting at a coffee shop, nervously drumming his fingers against the table top, his suit a little too big on him and his hair loose in his face. The hair hasn’t been bleached blonde yet, it has more of a naturally golden hue than he’s ever seen it before. He’s wearing glasses too which he normally hates. But it makes him look younger, as well as making him look exactly like the student he is at this moment in time. He knows he should move, make introductions, but he needs a moment to allow himself to take it in. This has been in the works for a while now, pieces already set in motion that will follow the tide of things. He wants to change it, wonders if he just tells Neil down the line what happens, if he will outlive it instead. 

Things happen the way they are meant to happen.

He hates it, wishes it wouldn’t have to be this way. Only it has to. Over the years he’s learned that changing the world for just one person is not enough, that in this line of work you can never be selfish, no matter how much you want to be. He takes a breath, buttons up the last button of his jacket and walks into the café in Oxford. Because of course it has to be Oxford, that is the least surprising thing to him in all this. 

The bell above the door alerts Neil to his presence. Neil takes him in, it’s not subtle, not like it used to be, and he knows what’s going through the young man’s head already. He knows he doesn’t look like the type to fund a university student’s thesis, but this is the way it has to be now. Neil is definitely surprised, but he has to give him some credit for the way he schools his face from surprise to nervousness and what he thinks is also excitement. He forces his smile down. 

“You must be Neil.” He says, keeping his voice neutral. 

“Yes, yes it’s nice to meet you…” He pauses.

“Max, Max Smith.” He says and extends his hand, Neils scrambles to his feet, long limbs flawing as he grabs for the hand. He gives no indication as to knowing the name to be an obvious fake one, he guesses he will teach him about it all at some point down the road. 

“Mr. Smith, thank you for meeting with me.”

“Max please.” He says and sits down.

“Right, yes of course.” Neil runs his hand through his hair nervously, but sits down too.

He has a memory, he doesn’t know from where, only that it’s a while ago. He can’t place it because down the line the remote motel rooms, shitty TVs, weapons leaning against walls, takeout food and clothes spread on the floor have all muddled together. He’s sure of this one though, him on his back looking through a phone, Neil resting his head on his stomach, tracing patterns on his chest, sending shivers down his spine. Neil’s been quiet for a long time, he sometimes does that, goes somewhere and gets a sad look on his face.

“I don’t know if you’ll like me.” He hears him whisper, but it’s done so quietly he almost misses it. He puts his phone down and looks at the blonde mop of hair.

“What?” 

Neil stiffens against his chest, maybe he’d hoped it would have gone unheard. He runs a hand through his hair, pulling a little on the ends, making Neil look up at him. He does, reluctantly so, blue eyes meeting brown. 

“When we meet for the first time for me, I’m very different than to now.”

“Right…” He’s not sure he fully understands where this is going.

“Soooo, what if you don’t like me.” He sounds insecure which doesn’t happen ever between them, vulnerable at times yes, angry every now and then, worried more often than not, but never insecure. He frowns but continues with stroking his hair. 

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“You can’t be sure.” Neil bites at his lip, eyes downcast, it’s a little distracting. 

“No, but by your logic I’d be very different too, older at least.”

Neil’s eyes flit upwards again like he hasn’t thought about it like that, and he probably hasn’t. Knowing what they do it’s sometimes so easy to get caught up in your own head, forgetting about the rest.

“I’d be the one working in an uphill battle too, I have all the information about you, and to you I’m a clean slate, a random old ugly guy.”

“I don’t think you’d be ugly, even when you hit 50.” Neil says, eyes crinkling, lighting up his face when he smiles. 

“I wonder when I’ll start to go grey.” He jokes, Neil smiles too.

“Not anytime soon.” He promises.

He still hasn’t gone grey, but he isn’t 50 yet so. 

And of course he likes Neil. He’s impossible not to like. At this stage he’s endearing, nervous, but also distractingly pretty. He doesn’t tell him so, instead he sets things in motion.

“So, I must say I like your ideas about inverted objects.” He starts it off simple. Neil’s idea is close to the real deal, he just needs a nudge in the right direction.

“Oh, yes, me too.”

“So, if I say time travel, what do you say?”

Neil looks like he’s about to laugh but when he senses it’s not a joke he frowns thoughtfully, like the older version does from time to time too, when he’s deep in thought. 

“Time travel?” He asks disbelievingly. Neil’s eyes roams his face like he’s trying to gauge if he’s being played. He lets him look, allows his face to be unguarded, trusting, an open book. Well as much as he can be in this situation. Neil looks for a while, eyes searching and he seems to like what he finds. Either his face is opened enough to fool him, or maybe Neil’s always been good at reading people. He has never asked, and now he wishes he would have. 

“Time travel.” He says and snaps Neil out of his thoughts. He’s easy to read, he sees it in Neil’s eyes. Someone needs to train it out of him, maybe even him, even if the idea unsettles him a little. It’s surprisingly difficult being in the position of power, of having all the information. 

But Neil is easy to read, or maybe he just is to the trained eye. But he’s caught his attention, he knows as much. 

“Okay…” He starts off, gets ready to tell him about what he thinks of it. He interrupts him and smiles.

“Coffee first I think.”

“Um yeah sure, I’ll have - .”

“A black one with two sugars.” He can’t help but let it slip. Neil’s eyes widen but he’s quick to nod.

“How did you…?”

“Just a feeling.” He says but gets up to order, giving Neil a moment to himself. He probably needs it after that, if not he definitely needs it for what’s to come. 

He waits till the coffees have been ordered before he goes back to the table. Neil has written down some calculations in a notebook in front of him. Of course he has.

“Okay, let’s get started.” He says and crosses his hands on the table in front of him and Neal. 

Neal meets his eyes.


	2. That one time in Shanghai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Protagonist and Neal have something important to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't actually planned to write anything more for this pairing, nor on this story. But hey ho here I am with more. This can be read separately from the first part I wrote but it could be useful to get some context.
> 
> I have maybe planned to write a chapter 3 too, but we shall see.
> 
> Enjoy this <3

He’s 5 days late to meet Neil at the location of the safehouse in Shanghai, and can’t help but wonder if Neil will have left already or if he’s stayed behind. He isn’t so sure what scenario he prefers. When he finally gets to the location he’s so tired that he wouldn’t mind just crashing straight to bed to sleep for two days straight. 

Obviously that doesn’t happen.

When he opens the door there’s a gun pointed at his head, the safety off. Neil looks tired and harried, his hair greasy and the circles underneath his eyes are just as big as saucers. It’s by far not the worst condition he has seen Neil in, but he still looks a little too young to wear it as close to himself as he does now.

“Where the fuck have you been?” The gun gets holsted but the glare is ice cold. He throws his bag somewhere towards the direction of the couch and steps as far inside as he is allowed at the moment. 

“I had some things to attend to. They got dragged out.” He has a bruise the size of a concrete block as proof of just how much shit didn’t go to plan. 

“What?” He knows this tone of Neil’s. Is the one where he’s bursting at the seams with worry and anger, the one which will easily set off an argument between them. 

“Personal.” Which is a lie, but not too far fetched. Neil does not look convinced.

“No, you do not get to do this to me right now.” He crosses his arms, it’s a bad habit of his, when he tries to show how unaffected he is by things, but when he’s just the opposite of it.

He takes Neil in. It’s been a while since he last saw him. He’s not the curious but slightly awkward student he met a rainy day in Oxford anymore. Nor is he the mysterious but slightly chaotic agent who sometimes doesn’t know how to take things seriously. He is not yet someone he knows the insides and outsides of. But he’s grown into himself, still slender and tall, but doesn’t carry himself like he wants to be invisible to the world anymore. He takes up space, and he can throw a punch too. He’s getting pretty good at doing that. 

“Okay, I won’t. But can we do this tomorrow, I’m so tired I can barely stand.” He lets his tiredness seep into his words and sees Neil falter, taking a proper look at him for the first time since he stepped inside. He knows Neil will give, knows that he has enough over him to push this, and as if on queue Neil nods and steps back enough to give him enough room to take another step.

He steps further into the room.

He takes a shower and he has some food and takes some painkillers. And yet Neil falls asleep before him. He sits against the headboard of his own bed, trying to get comfortable enough to eventually sleep. His eyes find Neil’s as always, on his side, hair in his face, back facing the door. Neil’s been told not to let his guard down, not even around him. But he doesn’t have it in him to wake him up and tell him off, or make him recite the many lessons they have had together on why sleeping with your back against the door is never a good idea. Not now. Not when he’s unguarded and soft and beautiful but still not quite the man he loves. Younger with less of an edge. Less of a drinker too, who still prefers a cup of tea at any time during the day. The things he’s been forced to set in motion disgust him sometimes. He’s apprehensive about using the word grooming but that’s often what their time spent together feels like, because he has to be the professional, the guide, the teacher, and help Neil as best as he can so he can do what he needs to. And he’s spent too much time with Neil already, even he knows that, but keeping away is much harder than he had originally thought it would be.

Neil is magnetic, it’s like he’s being pulled towards him by some uncontrollable force. And sometimes he forgets too, because this Neil is in ways so similar to his own Neil. The one who thinks that astrophysics is suitable as pillowtalk, who is scared of rats but pretends not to be, who hates raisins with a passion, who is stupidly smart about strange things and who sometimes doesn’t know how to take a mission seriously. But this Neil isn’t that Neil, not yet.

He’s tried to get him ready for everything while being vague about things, but Neil’s a smart man, much like a sponge when it comes to information which he sucks up and never really forgets. Which means this can’t go on for too long. 

He needs to be told. Soon. Only he doesn’t want to do it, knows Neil will be unhappy with him. Is aware of how Neil sometimes looks at him, much more concealed than the earlier days but still obvious to him because of course he feels the same. In a fucking perfect world he would have reached across the table ages ago to grab his face and kiss him stupid. But he can’t. It’s not right. 

But he has to be told because they can’t go on like this. He needs to be prepared, more prepared than he already is. But Neil won’t do with half assed explanations anymore, and he only hopes that ten years is enough to get him far enough that it will work. 

Neil is gone when he wakes the next morning but a note’s been left on the table saying he’ll be back soon. He tends to his bruises and cuts, makes a sandwich, looks through Neil’s mission report and information he’s gathered from Sydney and laughs despite himself when he spots A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking laying on the coffee table. A light read to someone like Neil.

The door opens and Neils comes in carrying coffee. He doesn’t say a word but he gives one of them to him, a peace offering of sorts and waits expectantly for answers.

“Sit down.” He says and gestures to the chair. Neil stubbornly stays where he is so he tries again. “Please.”

That seems to kick Neil into action, he’s never begged or asked for favours before. Maybe Neil understands the urgency he is trying to hide.

Neil sits down, and he starts talking.

When he is done telling him most of what he can bear to do Neil throws his coffee at him. He isn’t actually expecting that and finds himself being thrown by the action. The coffee isn’t scolding hot, but it’s hot enough to burn him and he hisses, and has half a mind left not to throw his own back at him. He doesn’t, he picks up a napkin and wipes it off himself, and calmly takes a sip instead. He thinks after all that getting coffee thrown at him is a better option than a pan, or a fist for that matter. In the state he’s currently in he wouldn’t like having to dodge one of those from Neil. 

“Fuck you.” Neil spits out. He’s furious and he’s pacing, all things he does when he’s about to blow up. It’s to be expected but it’s hard to watch nonetheless and he feels regret pool in his stomach. 

He waits it out, knows it’s the only way really. To let Neil process as much as he can at the moment. After a while he stops the pacing and sits down with his face in his hands, pulling at his roots and exhaling shakily. 

“Fuck you.” He says again but less vicious than before, the fight leaving him with each breath he’s taking.

“Yeah…” He agrees and sits down too, his coffee getting colder and colder. 

Neil remains quiet, his breathing a little unsteady, but he isn’t shouting and throwing things anymore so it’s a small win. 

“You’re going to have to do for me what I have done for you.” He says after some more silence, where the tension in the room is still palpable and Neil is just barely calm enough to be able to hold a conversation. 

“Why?” He says, voice muffled by his legs. 

“Because it has to go down that way.” 

“That makes so much sense.” Neil mutters, still not meeting his eyes.

“You’re too smart to know that what I just told you is true though.”

Neil goes quiet before he exhales and slowly looks up. He’s actually never seen Neil crying before but he looks close to it now, his eyes glazed over and body strung tight with tension, his shoulder weighted down by this burden.

It’s painful knowing he’s responsible for it, and he hates himself so much that he has to do this to him.

“For what it’s worth I am sorry.” He means that with everything he has. Neil looks at him for a long time, searching, eyes probing, and in this moment he’s unable to look away, to hide behind secrets and walls like he’s done for so much of their relationship. He feels exposed suddenly, unable to hide what he feels. Neil breathes through his mouth and things suddenly shift between them.

“Somehow I believe you.” But he sounds bitter and he can’t blame him for it.

“I’ve been as honest as I can with you.”

Neil goes quiet again, eyes distant and not really in the room anymore.

“Is it worth it? In the end?”

The question catches him off guard and for a moment the No he wants to say almost escapes him. He’s too late because Neil’s eyes snap to his and what he sees there makes him shudder, eyes becoming sadder than ever before. 

He takes a breath.

“If I were to pass on a lesson to you Neil it is that in this line of business we don’t have the luxury of being selfish. We can’t be. There is no room for it when the whole world is at stake.”

“That sounds like bullshit.” Neil frowns angrily but he knows as well as Neil does that if he didn’t agree with the statement in any way he would have argued his head off about it already.

“It is yes, but we do it anyway.”

“What makes you so fucking sure that I will huh?”

This makes him smile despite the shit situation they are both in.

“You will.”

“Fuck you.” It’s angry but defeated too and it carries all of Neil’s frustrations and anger at the situation because why would it not? When the time comes Neil will be in love with him. He might even love him at that point in time which means he will look at him like he’s everything and do all he can for him, even when he isn’t asking. Later Neil will understand the importance of everything, of how it must fit together, he will be too central to it, to not do what he must. 

They’ve been dealt such a shitty card, and he would change everything about their situation if he knew how. He would change it for the man sitting in front of him, the man who will have to lead him in the right direction when the time comes. And he would change everything for his younger self so he wouldn’t have to watch Neil get shot right in front of him, when he didn’t even understand who it was. Or the stakes of everything, because everything moved so fast and he was trying to prevent the world from ending and his focus was on Kat who had just killed Sator and not on Neil who actually did the saving of the world. 

It reminds him of one more thing he has to do. 

He digs through his pockets, he’s carried it for a while, and he will now pass it on as a parting gift to the man who now has to carry the burden forward.

The gift from hell. 

“Here.” He says and takes a step towards Neil. He bends down so he gets eye level with the man. They’ve never been this close before and Neil’s breath catches, even when he tries to not let it show.

“What?” Neil says, almost sounding okay.

He hands Neil the red string and Neil looks at it apprehensively, like it will do something to him if he touches it. 

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing, just a red string. But it will come to mean something. When you invert yourself…”

Neil’s eyebrows shoot upwards and he nods.

“Yes, you will use the machine at some point, you will have to wear it for me. So that I see it, so that I can later know that it’s you. That it’s you who saves me.”

Neil takes it from him, slowly, while looking at it intently, and then Neil’s hand brushes his palm and it sends a jolt of electricity through his arm. Just like it did the first time, and the 100th. Neil’s eyes flit to his, and to his mouth, tracing the movements of it, and it takes all his strength not to pull him close right now. Neil’s not the only one who has been affected by this thing between them. Neil’s eyes don’t leave his lips when he asks the question.

“Will we ever be on the same page?” It’s loaded and it’s important. He smiles sadly.

“At some point down the line we will.” Neil looks up again, and during the years Neil’s learnt a lot. He’s learnt to tell when people lie, to watch their expressions closely. The more training he undergoes, the more he becomes the spy he is in his own future. This is not a lie, and Neil can tell, even though he definitely can’t always tell when he is the one doing the lying. 

“Okay.” Neil whispers, and he is happy he can give him that tiny sliver of hope at least. He squeezes Neil’s hand before he’s ready to let go. He thinks Neil will leave it at that. But even to this day Neil can still manage to surprise him. Neil grabs for his hand again, reflexes quick, and grasps his wrist, his thumb and index fingers snaking their way around his pulse point.

“If I’m going to do this for you, I want something in return.”

He thinks he should remind Neil of the big picture, that in the end it shouldn’t be done for him, it should be done despite him. But he doesn’t have it in him to tell him that when Neil is so close and looking at him the way he does now. Open, scared and vulnerable, and a lot like he means too much to Neil already, like he’s hung the moon. He doesn’t like it, but he also thinks that’s exactly how he looks at Neil when they are younger. Well when he is younger and Neil is older.

“Okay.” He says even though he shouldn’t.

“I want you to tell me what your name is. What your real name is.”

Oh, of course he does.

He looks him in the eye and the world manages to fall away.

And then he gives it to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Might write some more in this pairing even though I have no clue what the movie really did and a lot don't make sense to me, but these two gave me a lot of feelings. They are essentially the 11th Doctor and River.


End file.
